Marik's Holiday
by WilliamKanaKun
Summary: Marik needs to get out of Domino before he hangs himself; upon reaching his breaking point he asks Bakura to accompany him to Chicago. Ryou and Malik decide to go along for the ride and all hell breaks loose when the 4 teens are set free.
1. Chapter 1

✈Marik's Holiday✈

WARNING: Story contains adult language, sexual references, minor drug usage and violence. This is intended for mature audiences only.

ONE

"Breaking Point"

'I need to get out of this fucking town before I put a bullet in my head. I don't know how much more of this I can take.' Marik thought to himself as he threw his school bag down on the floor. Swearing, he rips off his uniform jacket and tosses it onto the floor, next to his bag. He stomps off, leaving poor Malik to trip over the mess in the front hall. "Marik! Come pick up your shit!" He calls, but there's no answer. 'I suppose I could always get another tattoo, but that gets old fast.' Marik's thoughts were interrupted, as Malik slammed his bedroom door open and dumped his shit in his room. "This is getting to be a pain in my ass." He said angrily to his Yami, who seemed to be ignoring him. 'I've got it! Bakura and I will go on holiday. I know he's at his breaking point as well.' He pushes Malik out of the way, puts on his leather jacket and heads out the door, with not so much as a word.

Malik races down the stairs, opens the front door to see Marik pulling away on his new motorcycle. "Hey! Get back here! Where are you going?" In response, Marik flips him the bird and disappears around the corner. 'For Ra's sake, this is getting fucking ridiculous.' Malik thought to himself as he went back into the house to take care of his long overdue stack of homework.

Meanwhile, Marik was pulling into Ryou and Bakura's driveway. The windows were open and rugs hung out of the two lower windows. 'Hm. They must be cleaning.' "I'M NOT BLOODY DOING IT!" Came the angry voice of Bakura from one of the windows. There was a heart stopping crash and lots of foul language following it. Marik let himself in and flopped down on the sofa hoping to catch a little bit of the excitement. Ryou came down the stairs first, his face flushed. "I don't see what the big deal is! All I asked you to do was clean the bathroom! I do everything for you! Wash your clothes, cook your meals and give you a place to stay! It's like I'm your mother." Bakura came pounding down the stairs after him. "Yeah? Well I'm sure as hell lucky that I didn't slide out of your vagina. I would have been suffocated, you're so fucking uptight." "Take that back!" "Make me!"

Ryou ran into the living room, to see his yami's best psychopathic friend stretched out on his couch. His heart sank. Before he could say anything. Bakura came running up behind him and tackled him to the floor. Marik let out a snort of laughter, that alerted Bakura to his presence. "Oh hey, asshole. When did you get here?" "Well cockstain, about five minutes ago." "Language!" Ryou cried, from underneath Bakura. "Well, I heard some pretty colourful things coming out of your mouth earlier." Ryou blushed at Marik's comment and fell silent. "What brings you to our house?" "I came to ask you if you wanted to go out, but in that outfit, I'm afraid to ask." Bakura remembers what he's wearing and casually brushes it off. "You know, cleaning day." He says, ripping the hair net off his head and tossing the apron on the floor.

Ryou managed to wiggle out from under Bakura and stand up. "Well you two have fun. I have a roast to attend to. Then after that I'm doing laundry. I'd better not find any more teeth in the pockets of your jeans, Bakura. God knows what you're doing with all those teeth." "I'm creating my own throne of decay." Bakura smirked at his comment and Marik followed suit. "That's just disgusting. I'll see you later." Ryou hurries off to the kitchen why Bakura and Marik snicker. "Is that really what you're doing with them?" "Ha, no. I get into a lot of fights and I keep the teeth as souvenirs. The pharaoh once mentioned that there is this broad that breaks into your house at night, takes the teeth that have fallen out and in their place leaves cash."

"I didn't know that you cross-dressed, Bakura." "Only on the days I'm going out with your sister! Now, what did you really want?" "Oh, I'm tired of this fuckin' place. I need to get out of here before I explode. Even setting fire to landmarks has become dull and plain." "Yeah, I know what you mean." Bakura commented. "What do you suppose we do about it?" "I think we should go on holiday. I hear Malik talking about going on one all the time." "Where do you want to go?" "Nowhere in fuckin' Japan, that's for sure. I'm tired of grilled fish and rice." Bakura laughs. "Is that all you think there is to eat here?" "It's the only Ra-damn thing Ishizu serves." "You should stay for dinner tonight, Ryou's making a beef roast! Rare, just the way I like it. And that way, we can tell him that we're leaving on an outing."

"Hah, okay. Gotta call Malik and tell him where I'm at. If I don't call him, he'll come and hunt me down. Where's your phone? I forgot my cell." Bakura raises an eyebrow, but says nothing as he hands Marik his cell. Marik punches in the number of Malik's cell and waits for him to pick up. By the fourth ring, Marik is losing his temper. "Where the hell is this prick?" He asks angrily. He's about ready to just say fuck it and hang up, when Malik answers. "Hello?" "Where the fuck were you! I've been calling! I could have had an anal aneurysm and you wouldn't know about it!" Bakura chokes on his laughter, but manages to stay quite. "Why would I care about your asshole?" Malik asks. Bakura cuts in. "That's the best thing I've heard all day!" He falls off the couch and continues laughing on the floor. "Fuck you. I'm staying for dinner at Bakura and Ryou's." "Well give your girlfriend, Bakura, my best." Malik hangs up before Marik can go through the phone and choke him. "Girlfriend?" Bakura asks grumpily. "What a bloody crotch booger." "Well, five minutes ago you were ready to go to bed with him." Marik hands Bakura back his cell and stands up.

"Let's go help with dinner, shall we?" "You read my mind." They head into the kitchen and see Ryou rolling out dough for dinner buns. "We're adding one more for dinner." "Fine, just set the table!" He snaps, still struggling to get the dough just right. "Mooooody." Bakura mutters under his breath to Marik, who nods. Bakura hands him three plates and Marik stares down at them. "They're so happy." He cringes. "Tell me about it." Bakura holds up a glass decorated with little bumblebees. Marik has to resist the urge to laugh. "I tried bringing some PlayBoy glasses, but Ryou nearly had a cardiac incident. It's like seeing a pair of tits is going to send him off the edge."

The pair's snickering is interrupted by a loud exclamation. "FINALLY!" Ryou slides the tray into the oven and checks on the roast. "Another ten minutes and it will be perfect! Hey could one of you get the salad out of the fridge?" Bakura and Marik groan in unison. Marik takes a seat at the table while Bakura gets the salad. "Beer?" He asks. Without rating for a response, he tosses a beer to Marik, who catches it. He sets the salad on the table and the pair watch as Ryou juggles pulling to roast and buns out of the oven. Ryou tosses the basket of buns to Bakura, who catches them with one hand.

"Nice." Marik remarks., watching Ryou carve the roast. He carries it over to the table and sits between Marik and Bakura. "Um, I forgot the potatoes!" Ryou exclaims, jumping up from his seat and heads over the counter. He sets the bowl of mashed potatoes in front of Marik. "Who wants to go first?" As soon as the words are out of his mouth, he regrets saying anything. Hands reach out at him from all directions. Pieces of tomato, small chucks of beef and roll go everywhere.

"So, why don't you tell Ryou why you're here." Bakura says, blood dripping from his chin. "Right." He says with a mouthful of potato. He swallows and clears his throat. "Bakura and I are going on holiday." Ryou nearly chokes and Bakura has to slap him on the back. "What?" He coughs out. "We're going on holiday." "Where are you going? Egypt?" "No. We're thinking we might go to Chicago." "Why?" "Because they have fucking awesome pizza and they have a high crime rate. We'll fit right in." "Well, if that's happening I'm going to." "That would defeat the whole bloody purpose." Bakura remarks. "I wanted to do a summer abroad anyway. I've got two summer assignments to work on anyway." 'No, no no!' Bakura thought angrily to himself. "It doesn't mean that I have to stay with you. I'll get my own hotel room and everything. I just want to make sure you don't get into too much trouble." "Fine." Bakura mutters. "As long as you don't cramp our style, I don't care where you go." Marik chews on a hunk of beef.

"I'll ask Malik if he wants to come too. He and I can work together." This time, it's Marik's time to groan. "Keep him out of my fucking way!" "I will." Ryou grins at the two grumpers. "Why don't you both come over tomorrow so we can go over the plan of attack." "I have to plan?" "Well, you've never been to America before and you both lack the knowledge of travel." Marik thinks it over. "You'd better have cocktails, Ryou."


	2. Chapter 2

TWO

"Voyage of Destruction"

A grumpy half asleep thief lay in wait at the kitchen table. Ryou stood at the stove making blueberry pancakes. A mountain of fresh fruit salad and freshly squeezed orange juice sits on the table. 'All that healthy shit is staring me straight in the blood face.' Bakura thought to himself. "Hey, Ryou have you seen the DVD left in the player last night?" "Ah, well. no I guess Marik must have taken it with him when he left last night." He says hurriedly. 'Hmm. All of a sudden his cheeks are rather red and he's abnormally busy with the sausage patties.' "Hmm?" I smirk at him. The doorbell rings, saving Ryou from answering. "Go get the door! Christ save the Queen." Bakura, still privately laughing at Ryou's distress.

He opens the door and takes in the sight before him. Malik is hanging on to Marik, who's lingering between bored and pissed off. "What happened to him?" "He's over tired; wore himself out watching some new kind of digital porno." Bakura fills up with excitement. "Oh? Dump his fat ass on the couch and tell me more about this digital erotica!" "Sounds like a plan." He lifts Malik onto his shoulder and steps across the threshold. He tosses Malik onto the couch. He falls off the couch and hits the floor with a weak 'oof'.

"I love when he makes that sound. Anyway, the porno had a monkey and two women. Apparently they did some kind of kinky threesome." "That's disgusting…you wanna watch it later?" "I though you'd never ask." Snickering, Bakura and Marik made their way into the kitchen to find Ryou setting plates on the table. "Good Morning!" "What's he so happy about?" Marik muttered to Bakura. "I dunno. Maybe he jacked off last night. Who am I to say?" He mutters back. "Where's Malik?" Ryou turns around, looking for Malik. "Your living room floor." Marik remarks casually, while helping himself to pancakes. Sighing, Ryou headed into the living room to check on Malik.

"I hope this doesn't put a damper on the morning." Marik said, through a mouthful of pancakes. "Don't see how it would." The pair eat in silence until Malik storms into the kitchen with Ryou right behind him. "You could have killed me!" He exclaimed, crossing his arms like an angry child. "So?" "So? Is that all you really have to say for yourself?" "No…Bakura, pass the sausage." Malik's face drops. "Sausage? We're vegetarians." Spearing three patties at once, he looks up at his light. "No, you're a veggie, I am a human being, and humans eat meat." "Define human." Malik muttered under his breath, taking a seat next to Marik.

"So, who's ready to discuss the trip?" Ryou asked, sitting down between Malik and Bakura. "Trip? What trip?" "Marik didn't tell you? Well, I guess now is a good a time as any. We're going to Chicago!" "Where the bloody hell is Chicago?" "Illinois." "Oh." Helping himself to fruit salad, Malik wondered what possible terror was about to unfold before him. "We're all going to Chicago. I want to see some of the sights and the other two, well, I guess they just want to eat pizza." Ryou glanced at the two yamis who nodded in agreement. "We're?" Malik asked. "Well, yeah." Ryou said. "You're not going to let me go to a foreign land all alone with two psychopaths."

"Foreign? You're British! It's practically the same as American…only with less nachos and hot dogs." Ryou's smile looses a few watts. "It's not the same!" "Oh right, you drink tea and say bloody a lot. My bad." "Well, if you wanna play that card, then Egypt is just like the Middle East. You know with their curry and camel riding." Ryou shot back. "Hey!" Marik exclaimed, banding his silverware on the table. "It is not! We're civilised there and we have a really cool river. So fuck off, biscuit cruncher." Before the fight can get out of hand, Malik cuts in. "Let's let this go shall we? I'll stop making the comments if everyone else will." "Me? I didn't fuckin' say anything!" Bakura says, looking up from his pancakes. "Moving on! So, Malik will you come?" Ryou asked, with pleading eyes. "I'd say you could hold your own, but I really need your help with my summer ready project. Yeah, I'll go."


	3. Chapter 3

THREE

"The Psychos Are Ready For Take Off'

Armed with a plan he and Bakura conspired together on last night, Marik boosted his back pack on his shoulder and followed Malik onto the plane. He turned to see that Bakura and Ryou were having fun in the security line."What the bloody hell is this?" Bakura asked angrily, seeing as he'd never been on a plane before. "Quite or I'll have to put you in one of the animal carriers." "They're not gonna take my bag from me!" The thief exclaimed, clutching his bag to his chest. "Just put it in the little container, if there is nothing harmful in there, they'll give it back to you." "But there is." Bakura muttered. "What the hell do you mean?" Ryou hissed at Bakura, pulling him aside. "I've got three grams of the finest H in Japan and I'm not leaving it at home." "Drugs?" Ryou muttered weakly. 'Of all the stupid things Bakura has done, this has to be one of the worst. Now how are we going to get through security with that? Well, if he doesn't have any needles I guess we'll be okay.' "Bakura, do you have any needles with you?" "Of course!" Exclaimed the thief. "They pay more if you have them."

Ryou's face sagged. "We're totally f-ed you know that?" "Nonsense, dear hikari. Marik told me how to get past security." "Really? How?" Bakura looked around before whispering in Ryou's ear. "You stick the bag up your ass." "I'm not sticking anything up my ass! They're your drugs, why don't you stick them in your own ass?" "Because I already have cocaine up there." "I don't believe this." Ryou said miserably. "What does Marik have up his ass?" "He's got some meth and Malik has some X up his rear." 'So that's why they were walking funny.' Ryou thought to himself. "And if I don't do it?" "Then I banish your soul to the shadow realm and I let rabid dogs gnaw on your corpse." "So, where are we gonna do this?" "Follow me." Ryou followed Bakura to the bathroom. "Get in the stall and pull your pants down." Ryou managed to turn a paler shade of pale. "Oh for Ra's sake!" Bakura exclaimed, pulling down his light's pants. "Touch your toes." "Why?" Without waiting for an answer, Bakura shoved the bag up Ryou's ass with as much force as he could muster. "Jesus Christ! You practically took my tonsils out in that motion!" "Sorry, that's how it does."

Bakura kicked the stall door open and turned back to Ryou. "Ready?" "It feels like I have a large rock shoved up my bum." "Be thankful it isn't a first." "What do you mean by that?" "Ask Malik." Ryou turned away disgusted, but Bakura pulled him back into the line. "Knapsacks in here, uh, sirs." The two followed instructions and pushed their bags through the scanner. "What's with the needles?" The monitor attended asked. "My brother here is a diabetic and those are his." The attendant raised an eyebrow. "Then where is his insulin?" "Right here." Bakura smirked, pulling a vial of clear liquid out of his pocket. "His name and dosage are even on it." "Right. Well, get a move on boys." Stuffing the vial back into his pocket, Bakura smirked at Ryou. "See?"

"Yes." Ryou said weakly, not liking how he was feeling. "Let's just get on the plane." "You're sitting with Malik, behind Marik and me." He handed Ryou his pass and let the way to their seats. Marik was sitting with a big smirk on his face. 'I bet it's more than just the drugs in his ass.' Ryou thought to himself, taking his seat next to Malik, who was pale. "What's wrong?" "I don't like flying. You wanna switch seats? I hate the window seat." "Sure." Now Ryou had a good view of Bakura and Malik had a good view of Marik. "They're up to something." "Of course they are!" Ryou lowered his voice. "Bakura stuck a bag of drugs in my ass." Malik's eyes grew wide. "Marik did that to me too. Except he said it was medicine to help me from getting airsick." Ryou couldn't help but chuckle. "It isn't funny!" Malik said angrily. "It really hurt and now one of the edges is rubbing me wrong. I'm gonna end up with hemroids or something!"

Meanwhile, in front of Ryou and Malik, the two yamis were already scheming. "So operation ass bag was a success?" Marik asked. Bakura nodded. "Of course." He leaned over and pulled on the skirt of a passing flight attendant. "Oi, sweet cheeks, why don't you go get my mate and I a bottle of your finest crystal." "Uh, right away sir." She hurried off in the direction of the kitchen. "What are you going to do if that broad asks you for ID?" "Show her." Bakura said, taking out his wallet. "See?" He said, holding up a fake ID. "Where's you get that?" "The pharaoh was making them. I got one for each of us." He handed Marik his. "What did you have to do to get these? Blow him?" Marik asked, tucking his fake ID into his wallet. "No. I had to give him…my Johnny Cash CD." "Who the fuck is that?" "No idea." Bakura said, tucking his wallet away. "Honda gave it to me for my birthday." The two's snickering was interrupted by the flight attendant with a bottle and two glasses. "Can I get you anything else?"

"Maybe a nice rack of ribs…and some bread for my mate here." He gestured to Marik, who had the whole lower half of his face submerged in the glass. A large booming voice startled the two psychopaths. "This is the captain, please fasten your seat belts so we can take off." 'Seat belt?' Bakura wondered. "What the bloody hell is that?" He asked Marik, who was fiddling with the straps on his lap. "Got it!" He exclaimed, reaching over to buckle Bakura's. "Oi! Don't you be trying to cop a feel! Thats 10,000 yen if you want that. "Oh, go to Hell!" The two continued to drink and make fun of the other passengers as the plane headed down the run way. "Get ready for this 'Kura." "Get ready for-WHAT?" The thief exclaimed as the plane headed up into the air. "Ra in the afterlife what's going on?" He was clutching the seat ends for dear life, not noticing that he had pinned Marik's hand beneath his own. The plane evened out and Bakura relaxed a little. "Can I have my hand back? If I don't restore the blood flow soon, it's gonna fall off. "Oh right." Bakura let go of Marik and Marik enjoyed a smirk.

"What?" He asked angrily looking over at Marik. "If you wanted to hold my hand all you had to do was ask." "Eat it." Bakura muttered through his clenched teeth, but Marik only laughed. "The in flight movie will be "Freaky Friday. The headphones are under your seats, please enjoy the flight." The woman stopped speaking and Marik reached for his headphones. Malik had told him that it was a really good film and that he should watch it sometime. The flight attendant set the plates down in front of Bakura, who gave handed Marik his plate. "Enjoy." 'Ribs! This is how this should be!' Marik thought to himself, enjoying both the ribs and Bakura making horrified faces at the film.

They were only 13 minutes into the film and Marik had already decided that the film was shit. "Hey, what do you think of this thing?" "The only thing that's freaky about this movie is Lindsay's giant red bush." Marik nearly gagged on the hunk of bread he was chewing on. "Sweet Anubis!" He coughed. "That's a good one." "What's funny?" Ryou poked his head through the space between the two seats. "Lindsay's bush." "I didn't see that she had a shrub." He blushed bright red, upon seeing the looks on the psycho's faces. "Never mind." He muttered. "Where's Malik?" Marik asked, trying to look over Ryou's head. "Oh he fell asleep. Said he wasn't feeling all that good." "Well, that sounds like a good idea." "Wake me when we get there." He said, shutting his eyes.


	4. Chapter 4

FOUR

"Turbulence isn't just for airplanes anymore"

Turbulence woke Marik, who upon waking yelled, "Who's fucking with me?" He opened one eye and saw Bakura petrified next to him. He glanced around and remembered where he was. Ryou poked his head through the opening between the seats. "I'd say he had a heart attack, but most days he doesn't seem to have a heart." Marik smirks at the comment and turns his attention to Bakura. "What's wrong? Have an accident or sum-fink?" Slowly Bakura shakes his head. "What's wrong?" Malik asked, leaning underneath Ryou. "I think he shit himself." Marik announced with joy. "Thank you for sharing that with me. That's just what I wanted to hear while awaking from a peaceful slumber." Bakura whimpers and interrupts the two. "Hmm?" Malik asks with interest. "What happened to him? Looks like he's seen Kiaba's tattoo." Marik tore his attention away from Bakura. "He has a tattoo? What's it of?" "You don't want to know." "Tell me or I will come over this seat and choke it out of you!"

Fearing what his yami would do Malik said, "He got a Blue Eyes White Dragon tattoo…" His voice drifts off. "And? Where did he get it?" "He got his member tattooed to look like it." Marik looks at his lighter half, puzzled. Ryou gags and turns away. "What? I don't get it!" He says angrily. "He means his penis." Came the shaky voice of Bakura. "What?" "He got his dick tattooed to look like the head of the Blue Eyes White Dragon and his nuts are it's arms or something." It was the first time in his life that Marik could admit that he was at a loss for words. He sits back in his seat, thinking the whole thing over. "That's just fucked up." Bakura shutters and grasps the seats. "Is it the turbulence?" Ryou asked, with a concern filled voice. "Yes." Bakura's voice was unnaturally high pitched, which tickled Marik's funny bone. "What a big baby!" "Marik, switch seats with me." 'Did Ryou just command me?' Marik thought to himself, more in shock than anger. 'Hmm. I guess those assertion classes he's taking are working…but they should have told him not to fuck with a bigger and badder opponent.' "Move your ass!" Ryou spit at him. "I'm going for Ra's sake."

"Sir, you need to take your seat." A flight attendant called to Marik as he stood up. "You know what I need? I need to put my face between your breast for at least and hour and a half." The flight attendant blushed. "You really need to sit." "Oh, I will." He pushed Ryou aside and slithered into the seat next to Malik. Ryou took a seat next to Bakura. "You okay, Kura?" He slowly shook his head in reply. "I have seen some shit. I have done some shit…but this…it's more horrifying than any of those things combined." "Aw, poor Kura!" Ryou leaned over and wrapped his arms around Bakura, though he did have a little bit of difficulty, seeing as Bakura was stiff as a board. Marik chuckled and elbowed Malik. "Check it out. I didn't know they were showing a live version of The Notebook." Malik was surprised his yami even knew what that movie is, he and Bakura usually spent their time watching the most gruesome films. "It was a good movie." Marik continued. "Y-you watched it?" "Yeah. I really liked how she couldn't remember him and everything. It taught me a lesson about Roofie usage." Malik hung his head. "He didn't Roofie her! She's got fucking dementia or some shit!" "Oh, well, that just took the fun out of everything."

Bakura began to loosen up a little bit and since Marik was absorbed with his handheld, he allowed himself to scoot closer to Ryou. "Thanks." He hissed at Ryou. "Anytime…just do me one favour." Ryou whispered. "Oh hell no! I am not going to touch you like that!" Bakura whispered angrily. Even Ryou had to chuckle at that one. "No. I want you to promise you will never stick drugs up my ass again." Bakura thought it over and found it to be a pretty good bargain. "Ok, I promise to never shove anything up your ass ever again." He realised how that sounded. "That came out wrong, uh,-" The thief turned bright read and fell silent. "I know what you meant. And thank you." "Don't count your chickens boy."

When the plane lands Ryou reaches for his bag, but Marik grabs it before he can. "What's in here?" He asks, unzipping Ryou's bag. "Gimme that!" Marik smirks and hold the bag out of his reach. "What the hell is this?" Marik holds up a small violet coloured book. "My journal! Now give it back you douchebag!" "Oooh. Testy are we? Perhaps we should read a few things." "No!" "Perhaps we shouldn't-" "Quite Malik. Okay, here we go. Tuesday, the twenty third, Today Bakura was mean to me. I thought about jacking off in his oatmeal, but he decided he wanted friend eyes today." Marik looks up from the book, a mixture of disgust and admiration. Bakura leans over the seat. "What are you reading? Hey, what a faggoty book!" "Nothing!" Ryou angrily, snatching his bag and journal away from Marik. Marik winks at him. "I'll finish the rest of it later." "Finish what?" Bakura asks, puzzled. "I was reading a romance novel." "Hmm." Bakura shrugs, pushing Ryou out of the way.

Ryou falls back and watches as Bakura and Marik head off the plane, pushing people out of the way. "He really is an asshole." Ryou comments. "Tell me about it. I have to deal with him almost all the time. Your lucky you've got Bakura medicated." "I know. I still say it was one of my best ideas to crush up anti-psychotics and mix them into his applesauce." Marik smirks as he picks up his bags. "Let's go, I don't want to leave those two alone in the airport."

They find Bakura and Marik, messing with people's luggage. "What are you doing?" Malik asked, seeing his yami holding a pair of women's panties. "Lunch." Ryou gives the pair a look, but doesn't say anything. "Oh I wanted to give you something." Bakura says, sliding over to Ryou. "Oh? What is it?" "This." He produces a little box out of his pocket. "Why are you giving this to me?" "You know…for helping me out on the plane." He says quietly. Ryou takes the box and opens it, only to find a birth control wheel. "What are you trying to say to me?" "What?" "This is birth control, Bakura." "Oh, I thought it was candy." "Put it back." Bakura takes the box and sticks it into a random bag. "That wasn't the right bag, was it?" "How the fuck should I know?" "Come on ladies! Get a move on!" Marik shouts, tapping his foot.

"I'm fuckin' hungry. Let's get a corn dog." Malik looks at Marik. "How do you know what a corn dog is?" "I watch a lot of porn." Malik decides he'd rather not get into it and follows Marik to the food court. Marik shoves his way to the front of the line and begins to order. "Dear Jesus! It smells like feet!" Ryou said, trying to hold his breath. "And people are going to eat these things?" He takes in Marik chewing on one. He smiles and mustard drips from his teeth. "He's my best friend, but that's just wrong." Bakura remarked. "I'll have a pretzel." Malik takes his order and steps to the side. 'Hey Bakura catch!" Marik tosses a corn dog at Bakura, who's not paying attention. The corn dog smacks Bakura straight in the chest, and he screams like a girl on fire.

"What the bloody hell have you done to me, Marik?" "I assaulted you with a corn dog." He grins. "You hit me with a deep fired pig penis?" "Uh, yes, let's go with that." "I've got it!" Ryou says, reaching into his bag. He pulls out a t-shirt and hands it to Bakura. "You've got to be bloody kidding me." He says, with one eyebrow raised. "What?" Bakura holds up a UnderDog tee. "You want me to wear this?" "Unless you want to walk around reeking of mustard and assholes do you?" "No!" Bakura exclaimed, pulling his tee off and putting the one Ryou handed him. "Let's just go to the bloody hotel before I kill this motherfucker and throw him in the dumpster." "I hate to say this, but I wouldn't miss him if you killed him." Malik said, looking a little hopeful.

AUTHOR'S NOTE: Like what you read here? I have three other books available via: , all you need to do is search "William Kana". The adventures that you're reading here will soon be available in one collection: "Dawn of the Moron" it will be available in the fall of this year. Pre-Orders are available, contact me for more information, etc. Please note, the characters in the book will not be these Yu-Gi-Oh characters since they are property of Kazuki Takahashi.


	5. Chapter 5

FIVE

"Paradise"

"This is the shit-hole that we're staying at?" Malik grumped, looking around the lobby. "I think it looks great. Reminds me of home." Bakura remarked, admiring the place. "How does a run down motel remind you of our home?" "I meant Egypt, you know I lived in a lot of caves in my day." "Oh! I was going to say, you could eat off the floor in our house!" "I know. I've done it." An old man, resembling Yugi's grandfather shuffled up to the counter. "Can I help you ladies?" Bakura slammed his fist on the counter and Marik followed suit. "We aren't women! I'm not sure about the other two." Marik gestured to Malik and Ryou, who didn't look impressed. "Oh, well what can I do ya for?" "We want two rooms." "Okay." The old man took the information from Bakura and handed him the keys. "Marik here's our-Marik?" He looked around confused. He found Marik in the corner, stuffing magazines into his bag.

"What the bloody hell do we really need with 'Good HouseKeeping' magazine?" Bakura asked, handing Marik his key. "We need rolling paper." "Oh, right. Good thinking." Malik interrupted. "Um, I have to go to the bathroom…if the you, know, stuff comes out, what do I do with it?" Marik looked at Bakura who nodded with a smirk. "It's natural. Everybody does it." "Everybody shits drugs?" Marik smacks his lighter half. "That's not what I meant! Now carry our shit up the stairs." He said, tossing his and Bakura's bags at Malik. The pair took off in the direction of the elevators, while Ryou ran over to help Malik with all the luggage. "What room are they in?" He asked, taking Bakura's bag. "Uh, I think they're in room 220. We're in 221, right next door." "Great, so we can listen to them watch porn all night." Malik cracked a grin. "Not if we beat them to the punch."

"I'll just keep Bakura's bag in here." Ryou said, setting it down on his beg. "He knows where to find me." "Good idea." Malik said, tossing Marik's bag on the dresser. "Ra knows where the fuck they've ran off to. Hold that thought." He he finished, hurrying off to the bathroom. Malik's screams of "AH FUCK!" startled Ryou, who ran over to the door. "Are you okay in there?" "It feels like I'm giving birth!" Came the strained reply. "Is it a boy or girl?" Ryou asked, deciding to play along. "I think it may be twins!" Pounding on the door drowned out Malik's stream of profanities. Still laughing, Ryou made his way over to the door and opened it to find Bakura and Marik. "I was wondering when you two were gonna come back." "Where's Malik?" "The bathroom. Apparently, he's giving birth to twins." Marik looked puzzled, but Bakura roared with laughter.

"I don't get it." He said scratching his head. "It means that he's taking a dump so big that it feels like two children are coming out of his ass." "Oh. Well there'd better be some X in there!" He exclaimed, nearly ripping the bathroom door off the hinges. "Always interesting." Bakura flopped on the bed and started flipping channels on the telly. "There is nothing on. Ooh." He paused on some police procedural show. "What's this?" Ryou asked, leaning over to look at the screen. "Cop show." "Why are you watching this?" "Lessons, dear boy. It's these shows that these morons put on that help me to better my career. This is real educational shit." Ryou sighed.

'At least they aren't out actually doing this.' Ryou thought to himself as he began to unpack. "You brought homework?" Bakura asked in horror. "Yes, I told you that I was going to use this as an education experience." "Well, count me out." "I wouldn't have expected anything else from you. And remember our deal-you don't banish anyone to the shadow realm this whole trip and I'll do all your homework you have over break." "Deal." 'So, I can't send anyone to the shadow realm, it doesn't mean I still cant beat and terrorise people.' Bakura smirked. Malik emerged from the bathroom, his hands tightly clamped to his ass. Ryou turned a paler shade of pale, seeing how much pain was in. "I am never going to do that again! I don't care what you do to me, you can even kill me! I'm never going to be a mule for you two!" Ryou gulped; the same fate awaited him. "Didn't I mention that you need to take a laxative to ease things along? You're lucky you didn't blow your o-ring out." Marik said, flopping down next to Bakura. "What's on?" "World's Most Moronic Criminals just came on." "Why don't you watch this shit in your own room? Ryou and I have some studying to do! Oh, Ryou, could you get me some ice?" He shuffled over to the bed and flopped down on his stomach.

The two yamis groaned. "Fine. We'll see you later…We're going out to dinner tonight." "Where are we going?" Malik asked. "You'll see." Marik replied and lead the way out the door. "Later chibis!" Bakura slammed the door shut behind him. "Here's your ice…I've gotta go take care of something!" Ryou raced out the door, leaving Malik all alone. "I wonder where he went." Marik said aloud to the empty air. Unknown to Malik, Ryou was at the front desk asking where the nearest pharmacy was. He wasn't about to go through the same horrendous pain that Malik did.

"I'm back!" Ryou announced walking through the hotel room door. "What the fuck took you so long?" Ryou frowned. "I had to run an errand." He holds up the drug store bag. "You bastard! You went to get stuff to relax your ass!" "That's not all…I got a soothing gel to help you feel better." "I hope you bought me a new asshole." Malik grumped. "No, sorry, they were all sold out." Ryou grinned at him. "I'm going to have to take your pants off." "What for?" "So I can apply the gel." "Ah, okay." With a little help from Ryou, Malik got his pants down. "Now what?" "I have to rub it…you know, since you can't." "You're going to run your hands all over my asshole?" "Why do you have to say it like that? Why can't you say bumhole? It sounds so less crude." Malik rolled his eyes. "Okay, why do you have to rub it all over my BUMHOLE?" "I told you, it's to sooth the pain. Its some kind of pain reliever." Ryou said, unscrewing the cap. "Okay, but make it quick."

Ryou leaned over Malik and began rubbing the gel on him. "I'm going to need to get on top of you so I can do it properly. "Whatever." Malik said, turning the page in the magazine he was reading. "You'll never believe the shit that goes on here! Apparently, some guy got his tongue stuck in the toaster while trying to perform oral sex on it." Ryou coughed. "What?" "Yeah! It's right here!" He held up the magazine so Ryou could see the article. "Isn't that fucked? You never hear of stuff like that back home." Ryou remained silent. "What?" "Well….Yugi told me that happened to Yami." Malik burst out laughing. "Oh Ra in Heaven! Did he get photos?" "He didn't mention it." "Oh, well." "Hey Malik, I need you to relax you anus." "Sorry." Just as Ryou stuck a gel coated finger into Malik's ass, the door swung open and the two psychopaths walked in, slurping cold cocktails. "So anyway, I was saying to the broad-WHAT THE FUCK?" Marik exclaimed, taking in the sight before him. "What's wrong-WOW." Bakura dropped his drink and just stared.

"Are…Are you fucking him in the ass?" "No!" Ryou exclaimed in panic. "It's nothing like that! It's just gel!" He held up a gel coated handed. "So you're fucking him in the ass with a finger?" Bakura asked faintly. "NO! It's the gel you know-his bum is sore!" "Sore from what? Your finger being stuck up it?" Marik asked, a broad smirk on his face. Ryou was a deep crimson by now. "From your bloody drugs you absolute tosser." Bakura's mouth dropped open with shock. "You swore!" He exclaimed, a hint of pride in his voice. "I'm pissed off! Stop making fun of Malik and I! It's your bloody fault we're in this situation-" His voice broke off and his eyes became large. "Ryou? What is it?" Bakura asked. "BATHROOM!" He exclaimed, shoving by Marik, who was holding on to the dresser for support. "I don't know how much better this day could get!" He wheezed. Malik scrambled to pull up his pants.

"Why do you have to be such a douchebag?" He asked, throwing a pillow at his yami's head. "It's in my nature." He mused. "Whatever." Malik muttered under his breath. "What do you want anyway?" "We were thinking about doing an early dinner and a cocktail hour." "But none of us are of drinking age! Well, except Bakura, and that's going to be a hard one to explain. 'Yes ma'am, I may look 17, but I am an ancient spirit of a tomb robber.' That one would go over well." "We came prepared." "Not only did you smuggle drugs, you smuggled alcohol as well! You two are just full of brilliant ideas to get arrested." "We didn't smuggle any booze." "It's a little late to be lying, Marik. Just come clean!" "I will." He reached into his back pocket and pulled out his wallet. Malik raised an eyebrow. "Here." He handed Malik two cards. "What the hell? Fake IDs?" He looked from Marik to Bakura. "Well, I'd better check on Ryou and see how he's doing." Bakura bolted, leaving the yami and hikari alone.

"Bakura got them. The pharaoh was making them. You know, a little back door money maker." 'He's just as corrupt as the rest of the lot.' Malik thought to himself. "You got me one? According to these, both of us are 22." He'd always wanted to grow up, but never this quickly. "What about Ryou?" "Oh, he and Bakura have them two. According to those they are 21 and 22." "I suppose this is better than booze smuggling." Malik said, handing Marik his ID. "I hate to say this, but the pharaoh has had a lot of good ideas as of lately. It's to the point where I'd say that I'm impressed. Oh, that reminds me, I got you something." "What?" Malik asked, fear flooding him. Marik reached underneath his long purple cape. "This." He said, handing Marik a peach coloured hemroid doughnut. "You really are impossible!" "What? I thought you could use this." He laughed at the look on Malik's face.

Ryou emerged out of the bathroom a few seconds later, his face paler than he's ever been. "He's cleaned the pipes out." Bakura remarked, holding up a small bag of heroin. "The fruits of Ryou's labour." "Excellent!" Marik reached into his pocket and pull out two more bags. "We're going to go hide these bad boys and we'll be back to take you ladies to dinner." He and Bakura headed out the room snickering in unison. Ryou shuffled ore to the bed and laid down next to Malik. "How are you feeling?" "Like someone pulled my pancreas out with a pair of double bladed knives." "Better than how I felt. I'm bleeding." "From your bum?" Ryou asked, eyes wide. "Jesus, I'm not that bad off.' Ryou felt to himself.

"Where'd Marik and Bakura go?" "They went to get ready for dinner." "Get ready for dinner?" Ryou asked faintly, feeling sick about the way things were about to go. "Yeah. I don't know what it means, nor do I really want to know." Malik sighed. "What's this?" Ryou asked, gesturing to the doughnut. "It's for my ass." Malik said causally. "Oh. It looks like the doughnut that my grandfather has for his hemroids." Malik blushed and turned away. "Let's just get ready for dinner. I have the feeling that it's going to be a long evening." "I'm going to need a drink." Ryou breathed. Malik looked at Ryou in shock. "What? I didn't know you drank!" "I don't, but I know that I'm going to have to, to get through an evening with those two."


	6. Chapter 6

SIX

"I'll have the steak with a side of profanity"

"This is bullshit." Malik muttered to Ryou, who he was swooshed up against. "Why couldn't they get two fuckin' cars?" "I don't know. At least you have a window seat!" He whispered back. He was swished between Malik and Bakura. "Get your hand out of my ass!" Bakura exclaimed, scaring both Malik and Ryou. "That's not my hand! It's the millennium rod!" "Right." "You want to get into it right now?" "Yeah, let's get it on!" Realising what he said, Bakura quickly said, "No! You know what? Fuck this. We're here." Malik looked at Ryou and saw his own look of terror reflected on Ryou's face.

The two yamis pushed and shoved to get out of the car first. The fight ended in Bakura getting a bloody nose and Marik getting his hair caught in the car door. Still fuming, the pair followed their hikaris into the restaurant. "This place looks lovely!" Ryou exclaimed, looking around. "Yeah." Malik commented. "It wasn't the dump that I was expecting. There are no peanut shells on the floor nor does the place reek of urine." Bakura wiped the blood from his face on his sleeve. "Well, it's the least we could do." Ryou turned. "What the hell does that mean? Should I be afraid?" Bakura rolled his eyes. "No. I just wanted to do something to make you happy for once. After all, you didn't like my birth control candies." Marik smirked and let the way over to the hostess. "Yo." He said, ringing the bell an annoying number of times.

"Can I help you?" A stern-faced woman asked, taking the bell away from him. "Yeah. I'd like a table for four." She looked over at the group behind Marik and raised an eyebrow. "If you and your um, girlfriends, would like to follow me." "They're not my girlfriends! That's my hikari and our two buddies." The woman shrugged. "Whatever you want to call her." Bakura chuckled and followed Marik. "Why do we always get mistaken for women?" Malik asked Ryou. "You really don't want me to answer that." Ryou remarked. "Yeah, I do!" "Well, you do look a bit girly, I mean you dress kind of like Brittany Spears." "WHAT?" Malik asked, angry, horrified and amused all at the same time. "You're always showing your bloody midriff." "Yeah? You're just fuckin' jealous!" "And what would I be jealous of? Your navel? Get real!" "You wanna go there? Alright! Let's go there! You and your fuckin' Lindsay Lohan hair!" Ryou gasped and pushed a few locks away from his face. "Don't even! I happen to love her! And how does my hair look anything like Lindsay Lohan's?" Malik fell silent. "It's long like her's! There!" "Piss off." Ryou muttered, starting to walk off. Before he could get past the hostess's booth, Malik jumped on top of him and the two fell to the floor with a loud crash.

"Get off me you Middle Eastern fruitcake!" Ryou yelled, trying to wiggle out from underneath Malik. "And the British love fruitcake, so what you're really trying to say is that you want to eat me!" "NEVER!" Ryou hit Malik in the face and he fell backward. As Ryou stood up, Malik grabbed him by the ankle and pulled him back down. "My ankle!" Ryou cried as he fell over. "Suck it!" Malik said rubbing his nose. "I will never do that to you!" "Break it up!" The hostess screeched, running over to the fighting teens. The two yamis hovered behind her, laughing at the whole scene. She smacked both of the boys with the stack of menus she was holding. "Enough!" Ryou and Malik looked up at the angry women. "Oh hi." Ryou smiled. "OUT! I never want to see you ragamuffins in this restaurant again!"

Before wither of them could get off the floor, two large guys stepped out from behind the bar. One guy took hold of Malik, the other took hold of Ryou and together they tossed the hikaris out into the street. Malik landed on his face and Ryou landed on the ankle that Malik had cracked earlier. "My face!" Malik exclaimed. He pulled out a small mirror from his pocket. "By Ra! I'm not gorgeous anymore!" Ryou looked over at him. "Oh relax, will you? It's only a few scratches!" "That's easy for you to say! You're still pretty!" Obnoxious laughter saved Ryou from having to answer. "I can honestly say that I have never been prouder." Marik extended his hand out to Malik. He ignored his yami and stood up on his own. "Ryou? What's your problem?" Bakura asked leaning over him. "I think I broke my ankle." He was a pale shade of green.

"Relax. We'll get you fixed up." Bakura said, lifted Ryou over his shoulder. "I think I saw a emergency medical centre on our way here. It was just a few blocks back, I think." "Lead the way, Malik!" Bakura commanded. They headed down the road, Ryou occasionally crying, due to the pain. Marik looked over at Ryou. "What are you blubbering about?" Bakura shot him the direst look imaginable. "Shut your mouth or I'll shut it for you." He growled, through his clenched teeth. "Touchy." Marik remarked. He moved up closer to Malik.

They arrived at the medical centre and Marik decided he was going to linger in the waiting room to annoy those sitting there. "Hey." He said sliding over to an elderly women. "Yes, young man?" She asked, adjusting her glasses. "I think you're hot." "Oh, well, I can assure you sonny, I don't have a fever." Marik's face drops. "I'll see ya later." He moves down a few seats next to a middle aged man. "I hear they give really good anal exams here." "I don't know about that." The man replied. "Well, I hope they do." Marik continued on. "I've had a gerbil tuck up there for quite some time. I do hope he's alright, he's been scratching quite a bit." The man scooted away. "Marik!" Malik said walking over to him. "What are you doing?" "Just making friendly conversation." "Hmm." Malik pursed his lips. He helped himself to a magazine and sat back next to his yami. "Where's Bakura?" He was hoping to cause some trouble while Ryou was being examined.

"He's in with Ryou." Malik said, flipping through the magazine. "Well, this sucks." He grumped, leaning over to see what Malik was reading. "Why the hell are you reading an article on genealogical health?" Malik shrugs. "It's either this or some article on moss on the scrotum during the summer months." Marik gags. "You're right." He continues reading over Malik's shoulder until the door to the waiting room slams open and Bakura came out, more pissed off then ever. "What?" Malik panicked as Bakura pulled him up by his shirt collar. "YOU BROKE HIS ANKLE NOW I'M GOING TO BREAK YOUR FUCKING COLLAR BONE!" He screamed into Malik's face. "Aren't you going to help me?" He whimpered to Marik, who picked up the magazine that Malik had dropped. "Nope. If the situation were reversed and I was in Bakura's place, I would be doing the exact same thing." Bakura wrapped his hands around Malik's neck and was about to being squeezing when the nurse came out. "Sir? You can see him now." Bakura dropped Malik. "I'll be back for you later." Malik saw the shine of murder in Bakura's eyes before he turned to follow the nurse.

"Thanks for fucking helping me!" Malik gasped, rubbing his neck. "He could have killed me right there, while you sat reading about the latest pap smear procedure!" Marik rolled his eyes. "Relax! He wasn't about to kill you in full view! He'll most likely take you out to some back alley and finish you off." Malik gulped. "I guess my only hope is that he's going to forget." Marik flipped a page. "I doubt that he's going to forget. Remember, he remembered things from 3,000 years ago. You think that he's gonna forget in a few hour's time? I don't think so." Before Malik could reply, the door swung open and Ryou hobbled out on crutches, Bakura behind him. "Gotta stop at the pharmacy and pick up his prescription." 'He's rather calm.' Malik thought to himself, panic surging through him. He waited until Bakura had gone out the door and Marik had shoved him out of the way to be behind Bakura. He slumped along, Ryou leading the way on his crutches. "We're going to get two taxis." Bakura turned and smiled at Malik. "You're going to ride with me." Malik gulped. 'I never thought I was going to be murdered like this. Please Ra, don't let him ruin my face.'

Bakura hails two taxis. "Get in and wait for me." He tells Malik, as he helps Ryou into the other cab. "Take good care of him Marik and don't hesitate to send anyone who's out of line to the shadow realm." "Got it." He replied with a smirk. Bakura slammed the door and headed back to his cab where Malik was waiting. Bakura slid into the cab and closed the door. "Hello." He said, a wicked grin on his face. "Um, Hello?" Malik said, scared to say the wrong thing. "I know you think that I'm going to kill you." He started. He glanced over at Malik, who was hanging on Bakura's every word. "But I'm not going to kill you. Marik is a dear friend and you are his hikari." Malik breathed a sigh of relief. "But that doesn't mean that I don't want some kind of payback." He continued. Malik felt his stomach drop. "What does that mean?" He gulped. "Cash. I want half of your pay check every week until Ryou's all better." "That's bullshit!" Malik exclaimed. He caught sight of the red gleam in Bakura's eyes. "That's bullshit that you should take so little. How about 60% of my pay since I feel bad." Bakura sat back in his seat. "Now that's what I call a deal. Okay." 'What the fuck did I just do?' Malik mentally kicked himself. 'Now I'll have to get a second job.'

Meanwhile in the second cab Ryou was having fun with Marik. "No way!" "Yes way!" Marik said, while sucking on a lollipop. "He totally is afraid of the dark." "Wow. I have an abnormal fear of yellow foods." Marik roared with laughter. "Really?" "Yeah. Bakura gave me a summer squash for my birthday just to watch me freak out. I nearly had a heart attack." "Do you want a pop?" Marik asked, holding one out to Ryou. "Thank you! You know, you're not as bad as everybody makes you out to be." Marik sits back. "I know! All I wanted to do is destroy the pharaoh a little bit and rule the world! Talk about overreacting. It's not like I killed anyone! Bakura's worse, but everybody thinks he's so cute with those bat wings in his hair." Ryou sucked on his pop. "Yeah, I know. That guy from Libya is worse than both of you guys and people still like him." "Totally. Well, it looks like we're here. I'll help you out." The taxi pulled up in front of the pharmacy and Marik got out. He was helping Ryou out of the taxi as the one Bakura and Malik were in pulled up. Malik's eyes nearly fell out of his head as he took in the scene of his yami helping someone.

"What's your problem?" Bakura asked, noticing the look on Malik's face. "I-I just can't believe what I'm seeing!" Bakura glanced out the window. "Stranger things have happened." Bakura said, opening his door. He headed over to Ryou's side, while Malik, with legs like Jello, followed behind him. Marik leaned over and draped his arm over Malik's shoulder. "What's up? Is he going to kill you." "Strangely no." Malik said, regaining himself. Marik shrugs. "Oh well, that's generous of him." They followed Bakura and Ryou into the drug store. "I'll catch you later, I've gotta snag me some body wax." "Whatever." Bakura headed off with Ryou. Malik started at his yami. "What the hell do you need with body wax?" "I've gotta look good if I'm going to the fuckin' beach!" "Are you sure about this? Remember what happened the last time you attempted this? You had the nastiest crotch burn I've ever seen." Marik waved it off. "Relax. Bakura is going to help me." Malik had to hang onto the shelf for support. "I suppose he's a cosmetologist now." He laughed. Marik reached down and grabbed a product. "Actually, yeah. We did night school together. He studied cosmetology and I studied how to make bird houses." "I can't believe what I'm hearing." "You don't have to." He said, standing up with three bottles of wax. "This outta do the trick." "All that?" "I did say it was a full body wax. I've got a real Attila the hun situation going on down south." Malik put his hands over his ears. "I don't need to hear this!" "Then don't ask."

They headed over to the prescription counter to find Bakura and Ryou waiting. "They haven't filled it yet?" Malik asked flopping down to Ryou. "No." Ryou muttered, turning away from Malik. "What the hell do you have?" Bakura asked, eyeing Marik's armful. "Body wax and lotion. You and I are going to have a spa date." "You know what? You may need a couple extra bottle of that wax…I've got my own garden of Eden to weed whack." Ryou looked at Bakura in horror. "I can't believe you just said that." "What? It wasn't descriptive enough?" "No. I'm surprised you know what the garden of Eden is." "Oh that." Bakura said, fluffing it off. "Well, I wanted to know more about this Jesus fellow you keep mentioning so I decided to read a few things. I didn't care for it all that much. Personally, I don't think the beard did him justice." Ryou hung his head. "You're unbelievable." "That's what they tell me." "Ryou Bakura?" The woman from behind the counter called. "Here!" Ryou said, struggling to get up on his crutches. "I'll go pay for all this and meet you out front. Come on, Malik." Marik headed off with Malik lingering behind him. The woman at the counter raised an eyebrow but said nothing as she rang out the order. "Cash or check?" "What the fuck is a check?" Marik whispered to Malik. "I'll explain later." He took out his wallet. "I'll pay cash. How much?" The woman looked at the register. "Uh, 34.00." He handed the woman the money and Marik snatched up the bag. "This is gonna be great! I can't wait to go to the beach!" Marik sighed, tucking his wallet away. "I can." "Why? All the girls think you're so sexy! It's your chance to score some major action!" "What if I don't want some major action?" Marik nearly dropped the bag. "What are you trying to say to me?" "Nothing! I'm just not in the mood. I have a lot of homework that I need to take care of! I'm only here because I need Ryou's help." Marik snorted. "It doesn't mean that you can't have a good time."

Before Malik could reply, Bakura lead Ryou out the door. "I hate these things! They make my arms hurt." Ryou said, leaning on Bakura for support. "How about I give you your pill and we'll see what's what?" "Okay." Bakura popped the top off of a pill bottle and produced a bottle of juice. "How'd you do that?" "Magic, dear hikari." He said handing him the pill. Ryou sat on the bench while he took his pill. "Better?" Bakura asked, taking the bottle back. "Yeah." "Well, now that this is all sorted out, how about we get something to eat?" "Good idea, Bakura! I know just the place." Marik exclaimed. "By any chance does it serve pancakes?" "You read my mind, Bakura." "Are we gonna walk there?" "Yeah, it's only about a mile down the road." Ryou's face dropped. "Don't worry! I'll give you a piggy back." Bakura said. He boosted Ryou onto his back and trucked the crutches up under his arm. "Sorted. Lead the way Marik." The group headed down the street, getting odd glances from people passing by. Both Marik and Bakura made faces and obscene gestures as they went along. When they got to the restaurant Malik opened the door and allowed the posse to enter the building. "How many in your party?" A preppy blond girl asked. Marik looked at her outfit and nearly gagged. She was wearing a waffle print t-shirt. Bakura on the other hand liked it. "I gotta get me one of them." He whispered to Ryou who giggled. "Now that would be a sight to see."

"Uh, four." Marik said, trying not to look at the girl. "This way." She led them to a table in the corner, tossed down some menus and announced that she would return. "I should stick my crutch up your ass." Ryou muttered under his breath. Malik glared at him from across the table. The two yamis said nothing, but they did exchange eyebrow glances throughout their lights exchange. "What did you say?" "I should stick this crutch up your ass. Or maybe I shouldn't since you'd probably like it." Ryou said, flipping through a menu. Malik didn't know how to reply to that so he just flipping through his menu. 'I've never been prouder of you.' Bakura said to Ryou, through their mind link. Marik on the other hand, was pissed off that his hikari had pussies out. 'What the fuck was that?" He hissed at Malik through their link. 'I don't know. What the hell was I supposed to say to that?' He asked. 'ANYTHING WOULD HAVE BEEN BETTER THAN THAT!' Marik's voiced echoed through Malik's skull and his winced. 'No need to shout.' He rubbed his head. "So what does anybody want?" Ryou asked, his tone brighter than before. "Waffles!" Bakura yelled, scaring the elderly couple in a booth across from them. "Ok..Anyone else?" "I'll have the fruit salad." "Of course." Marik snorted. "I want steak and eggs." Upon hearing this Bakura changed his mind. "I want that too." "What about your waffles?" "I'll eat her later-I mean, I can always have them later." Ryou shrugged, but said nothing. The waitress returned. "Ready?" "Coffee and some Excederin for me. And the scrambled egg meal, with sausage." "I want the steak extra rare." Bakura butted in. "And the eggs and hash browns." "You sir?" She asked Marik, who was doodling on the table. "Oh, uh, what he said." He pointed to Bakura. "And you?" "The fruit salad." "That's just what you are." Ryou muttered as he collected the menus. Bakura and Marik perked up upon hearing this comment. 'I hope there is going to be another fight.' Marik through to himself.

"What did you just say?" Malik snapped at Ryou. "Nothing. I was just making a point." "And that point would be?" "You're a fruit." "Yes, yes I am." Bakura dropped his pen knife, which clattered on the table. "What?" Marik roared in the direction of Malik. "I happen to like men, but who's to say that I don't like women either?" Marik relaxed a little. "What the fuck does that mean?" "I'm bisexual, Marik." "I called it." Bakura said, popping his gum. "What?" "I caught him in the basement with the mini pharaoh. They claimed they were paying dominos." He snorted. "With no pants on? Fuckin' please!" Marik turned to face his hikari. "WHAT?" "Uh, well, I plead the fifth." "Don't you pull that shit with us! We want details." Malik gulped. "Well, it wasn't Yugi that I was, um, getting busy with…we really were playing strip dominos. It was..Duke." Ryou's mouth hung open. "The man-whore in our class?" Malik hung his head in shame. "I hope you went to the clinic afterward." "Why? There's no way I could get pregnant." "I'm not too sure about that." Malik commented, pouring himself a cup of tea from the pot the waitress just left. "To get checked for disease!" Ryou said. "You could have caught an STI!" The older couple looked over in shock at the teens. "I went to the doctor the following day. I got a clean bill of health." "Oh thank God!" Ryou made the sign of the cross. The waitress came over with Marik and Bakura's stake and hash browns. "The rest of the order will be out in a few minutes." She dashed back off to the kitchen as Bakura and Marik attacked their plates with such bloodlust. Ryou sipped his coffee. "I'm sorry. I don't know what dot into me." He said to Malik. The two psychos were too engrossed in their bloody meat to listen to the conversation of their hikaris. "I'm sorry too." He hung his head. "Friends? I would extend my hand to shake yours, but I don't want to get caught in the middle of their carnage." Malik laughed. "Me either."

The waitress brought over the rest of their plates. "Some more meat, when you get a chance, love." Bakura said, jaws dripping. "Yes!" Marik said, blood on his shirt. "Uh, okay." The frightened waitress said, hurrying away. The four ate in silence, except for the occasional grunt from Bakura or Marik. "I'll get the tab." Ryou said, pulling out his wallet. "I'll help." Malik said, reaching into his pocket. "Okay, we'll meet you guys later, we've got some things to set up for tonight." They left to leave the hikaris to try and contain the mess on the table. "We'd better leave a big tip for that poor girl." "I hope her health insurance covers mental."

Ryou and Malik caught a cab to the hotel. Malik helped him into the cab and back to their hotel room. Ryou collapsed into his bed. "It's been the most fucked up day I've ever lived through." "I second that." Malik said, falling next to him. "I can only imagine what Bakura and Marik are going to be up to tonight." Ryou sighed. "I hope they don't get arrested, I didn't bring any bail money."

*AUTHOR'S NOTE: I will be taking the fan fiction that you see here and my other stores and combining them in one large book! Of course, it cannot be the yu-gi-oh characters we all love, since they are copyrighted. : ( The events will revolve around a few characters that I've created and I hope you'll love them too! Pre-Orders are available via me, and my web-links that are posted on my profile. If you have any questions, feel free to private message me or look me up on Facebook. William (Wil) Kana.


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